salt. a key nutrient that most folks get too much of. after spendin' hours researchin' my "crap, am i croakin'" last nite into the early hours of the morn, i came across valuable info. on a negative note, lack thereof can and does cause, in me at least, a cravin' fer cigarettes & soda...
seems that gatorade and other sports drinks alike are low sodium. hence wherein some of my troubles have lied it appears. one has to understand the adrenal gland, it's hiccups and such that apparently go with celiac disease. whilst drinkin' gallons (dr's orders coz my potassium level was almost non-existent) of the schtuff daily fer the past 6wks tryin' to get well, i was in fact makin' myself sicker in a sense. not enough salt, combined with loads of prednisone it all told my adrenal gland to take a nap....not a good thing! drank 8 glasses of salt water in the wee hours this mornin', got a 3hr nap and although i'm not "well", i can sorta walk. still have muscle tics runnin' amok, have even developed an intermittent snarl it seems? the numbness is all still there, now has progressed all the way to mid chest. am i worried? nah, figure it took me 6 wks to get my electrolytes so outta kilter it's not funny, have grand hopes that once they're straightened out so will the neuropathy... or whatever the heck it is that's goin' on to cause the malfunctions.
which brings me to the folks that bring ya down. i've a wonderful, supportive, adorin' mom :) she worries too much about me, but tells me that i'm her baby & it's her right. bein' a mother myself, i sure can't hold that against her. we dislike seein' our youngun's in pain, sufferin' or in need - regardless of their age. it's been more painful fer her i reckon than on myself. i'm all she's left outside her sister. our family keeps "goin' home" so to speak and there are few of us left.
the youngun's are iffy? haven't figured it they jest don't care, have become "immune" to it all after 5yrs or they've jest too much life on their plates to show much concern or offer assistance. don't get me wrong, i've got great youngun's! love 'em to pieces, they are most compassionate about others & their sufferin'. i jest don't seem to feel it, or perhaps they think i've not a need fer it? i've always been a very strong, independent person. geesh, i'm never gonna get "mother of the year" award...
the one who brings me down? the hubs. i reckon it's my fault fer gettin' illnesses fer which there's no cure? or that we've no health insurance? or that i keep havin' troubles, regardless of my diet. hello?? can one say "stress"? he's in denial that he does his best to stress me out. he lives in a dark past he either can't or won't come to terms with...
he makes me feel like a led balloon attached to his happiness & funds. i have great guilt fer bein' ill, not bein' able to hold down a job or pullin' my weight (hmmm, lemme see... who does the laundry, cookin'/cleanin', tends the pups, etc in the house??? oh yeah, that'd be me...) and take care of the horses. i do not become ill on purpose. i am prone to holdin' out til it's purty bad prior to goin' to the doc. but, perhaps that's coz i have the constant "we don't have funds fer that" (typically after a weekend of him playin' golf...and eatin' out...) and i feel the pressure to jest become magically well.
jest tonite, he was belittlin' me yet again on the matter. had him a few drinks out in the garage while talkin' with his kin. he denies it, i'm not stupid. although i do tire of the constant banterin' on it.
there are times i feel i've done my part. prior to my "early retirement" i had everythin' paid off. no house payment, no vehicle payments. we had no debt. i worked 2 & 3 jobs (as did he, i'll give him credit there) when we 1st married to get him outta debt. no thanks given. i'd love to have all the money spent in bars and on golf courses throughout the past 25yrs. and the legal fees, etc to go along with his consequences which i've had to endure as well. (to those who've had the good fortune NOT to get a dui, count yer blessin'! - it ruins yer credit as well as hikin' yer auto insurance x4).
oh yeah, my horses cost too much. can't sell 'em coz they aint started. nobody'd want half of 'em coz their mustangs. gee? didn't ya grow up on a ranch startin' colts? hmmm, musta conveniently fergotten that part of it. actually he didn't. the one he tried to start turned into a disaster (no patience, too much alcohol) and will take a bit to "fix".
did i mention that i love him? sigh.... the pity of it all :(
No comments:
Post a Comment