knew it had to happen, things to get my mind off my troubles, and it has. dunno even where to begin? so many topics have my sore feathers ruffled, but will try to get it off my shrinkin' chest.
1st, i am deeply saddened by the greed of some of the folks involved in the Aurora shootin'. this horrible tragedy and the lives that will be affected fer an eternity should never leave one's mind. BUT, i think it's even a bigger tragedy fer 'em to complain about not receivin' money's from it that were donated. have none learned there's no "fair" dollar amount to one's loss? of life, of fear, of an innocence lost? there's social security survivor benefits to aid those with children left behind. one woman in particular sticks out in my mind. the interviews she gives sobbin' that her children lost their father (her ex-husband) and where's her money? all tragedies have victims, be it nature or man made. folks get sick, have wrecks, die from a myriad of things - it's part of life. the kindness of strangers (the folks who've sent funds from around the globe, as we do in times of horror) should not be quibbled over. if the funds aint figured out proper, those who feel they didn't get "their share" will continue to cry about it, makin' the tragedy that much more unbearable...
2nd, those folks who got hit by hurricane Isaac. i do believe ya were told to evacuate. did ya not learn a thing from that awful Katrina that killed so many? i understand wantin' to hold onto yer home, possessions and such, but was it worth the risk of ya dyin'? or someone else riskin' their lives to save ya once the flood waters hit, to come to yer aide? why is it the governments fault and the taxpayers that ya chose to reside below sea level? and the folks who have had all the fires and floodin' the past year - i pose the same question. why on earth do ya continue to whine & complain? if ya build yer house in a forest, guess what? the risk of fire danger is high. it is no one's fault. there is drought. the bears, wolves, mountain lions, etc are gonna come down as well. they are hungry, and it's not their fault. if ya build yer house on a hill fer that spectacular view - guess what? when the rains come, ya already ruined natures protection and the land is gonna give under the stress. again, no one's fault, quit whinin' & wantin' to know what the government is gonna do about it. i don't believe they said, "hey, i think it's a great idea fer ya to build in danger zones. and what the heck, don't worry about insurance & such, we'll bail ya out when the inevitable happens". these folks then complain that the government didn't do enough....
3rd, prayer in schools. a touchy subject, but while i'm on a rant, why the heck not? the majority of the folks complainin' about not havin' it in the schools don't even practice it at home - so what's the problem? prayer & religion are a personal choice. yes, i grew up with a mornin' prayer at school, followed by the pledge of allegiance to our beautiful flag - things of the past. it offended some. is that not why our ancestors traveled to great lengths to get to this country & build a life? freedom of religion. either practice it, or don't. so much is passed on to the government as blame - accept responsibility fer yer own youngun's upbringin'. if prayer every mornin' is important to ya, do it with yer youngun's and quit expectin' others to do it fer ya.
in times of troubles, disasters and the like, folks turn to God in search of answers and comfort. otherwise the mass majority seems to ignore His existence. practice what'cha preach. i believe the "goal"is to do no harm, take care of one another - it's universal and covers all religious beliefs. folks jest appear to live by it when its convenient and they can get somethin' outta it.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
a trip off the beaten path - a sneak into my yard and beyond this spring
whirlin' butterflies (aka guara) nestled behind lavendar, bunny fer whimsy ~
the sound of water always soothes my savage soul. i like the softness of this lil fall coz it takes me back to babblin' brooks and creeks of another lifetime
the fish are becomin' more active as the temps rise (this taken in march 2012).
the vivid orange of a cacti that resides in the front yard - amazin' beauty and danger all at once....
the pond upon enterin' the back yard via garage. looks so small in this pic...
remnants of an era gone by - a wooden wagon wheel sits upon a pine, nestled amongst the trees and pond..
a kind welcome by the door, i have become quite fond of the corkscrew plant
a herd of deer - not a common site in these parts. the drought has affected all livin' things.
a gentle cattle drive, the babes to be branded, vaccinated and those cute lil bulls to become steers. the absense of green saddens me, troubles my ranchin' friend.
an indian blanket in bloom amid the dry, arid land. the colors of our new mexico sunsets, to me it emits the hope fer a better time.
never figured out what flower this is, native to this land. the cows sure did eat the dickens outta 'em though!
the hubs on Bo as they gently walked the cattle in. mesquites tryin' their best to be productive. alas, with no rains they failed to bloom, no beans fer the cattle this winter to stay fattened on.
menfolk workin' in unison - was a great day
what a face :)
last one to be branded
from the pergola to the porch. i sit here many a morn & eve tryin' to soak it all in
snakes matin' on the porch...unsettlin' to some, fer me it says "no rattlesnakes will venture" coz these are the "good guys"
Sunday, August 26, 2012
searchin' the net in search of answers
this may very well be a most comprehensive site fer those that suffer from peripheral neuropathy and i deeply & profoundly encourage ya to read it & then do more research on yer own:
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/peripheralneuropathy/peripheralneuropathy.htm
i'm in the possibility that i've inflicted more damage to my neurological disorder by smokin cigarettes. perhaps i was too hard headed and in denial to see any link betwix the two?
have watched my step dad perish of cancer, my dad as well. some links perhaps to smokin', more so were the other ravages they were suspect to in the line of duty both home and abroad fightin' wars and fires as both were fine Air Force men.
also saw the sufferin' of so many while workin' the local hospital all those years. fell on "deaf ears" as we always seem to justify things of this nature with the old adage "that won't happen to me".
why are we so much in defiance? i shall prolly never know that answer to share...
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/peripheralneuropathy/peripheralneuropathy.htm
i'm in the possibility that i've inflicted more damage to my neurological disorder by smokin cigarettes. perhaps i was too hard headed and in denial to see any link betwix the two?
have watched my step dad perish of cancer, my dad as well. some links perhaps to smokin', more so were the other ravages they were suspect to in the line of duty both home and abroad fightin' wars and fires as both were fine Air Force men.
also saw the sufferin' of so many while workin' the local hospital all those years. fell on "deaf ears" as we always seem to justify things of this nature with the old adage "that won't happen to me".
why are we so much in defiance? i shall prolly never know that answer to share...
Friday, August 24, 2012
the need fer comfort foods...
i stumbled amongst the kitchen today in the need of the comfort one can only find in chocolate & peanut butter. tried that recipe fer the flourless chocolate peanut butter cupcakes that looked so divine, one could almost taste 'em from the pic!
i carefully measured out the ingredients. made a makeshift double boiler to melt the honey & coconut oil together, gently whisked in the other ingredients. spooned/poured the "batter" into the carefully laid paper wrappers & popped 'em in the oven. my sniffer & taste buds are still malfunctionin', but i could envision the yumminess permeatin' throughout the house....
18 minutes seems an eternity while waitin' on baked goods. i checked 'em, nope, still soupy. added the other 4 minutes (recipe called fer 18-22) and alas there they were! beautiful mountains of chocolate settin' high above their papered pan. a true vision of loveliness. i carefully removed 'em from the oven and gently set 'm on the stove to close the oven door and turn it off.
i'm beside myself in anticipation awaitin', only to turn and see what appeared to be 12 sunken souffles! yepperz, sunken, fallen over the sides. hmmm, now what? what the heck, might as well try one, right? i flipped one out with the aid of a spoon onto a plate. upon inspection a spoon was in order. somethin' akin to a cake bottom with a chocolate mousse toppin'. not bad i reckon, again, the taste buds are on hiatus.
what's a gal to do? well, me in my infinite wisdom chunked those puppies back into the oven fer another 5 minutes... then another 8... then another 5. i think they are finally "done", startin' to get a lil dark around the edges. will have to await a cool down to see fer certain.
this goes along with replacin' the belt on the vac twice, it soundin' like a jet roarin' & vibratin' like the tens unit that i occasionally wear. as if i didn't already have enough tingles goin' on in my body. i know, but i did get 2 rooms vac'd before the final straw on the last belt. i yield. i am unhappy with bissell. adore their shampooer, was in love with the suction of the vac. shame they aint made to last 6 months of near daily use, eh?
 |
| aint that jest pitiful :( |
Thursday, August 23, 2012
to blog or not to blog??
that's the million dollar question. why start one? why keep up with one? does one really want to share pains, sufferin's, triumphs, letdowns, vast knowledge or lil or nothin', experiences, decisions made (good or bad)? what's the point?
i've no answers fer any of the above. some folks told me i needed one, so started this one. there's no structure to the darned thing. i bounce all over the place. i'm hard to follow (ok, who's followin' me? don't they know i'm lost?), i get it.
havin' been told most my life that i'm not wired right seems to be a good cause fer it all. i used to have grand humor. was told to write a book... i tried, apparently that's one of my many "aint bright enough to figure that out" thingies. i don't find myself funny. i think the southern drawl makes some things i say sound funnier than they actually are. i'm extremely over-animated when i'm with folks i don't know. they make me uncomfortable & i reckon it's my belief that if i can make 'em laugh (usually it involves things that aren't funny to begin with, jest a knack i've got perhaps), they won't see how insecure i truly am.
i find comfort in critters. the 4 legged kind. most all species. i'm fascinated by 'em. their behaviors, learnin' patterns, structures of their life. they are not judgemental. they care not what'cha where, where ya hang yer hat, what sorta vehicle ya drive.
one can go out in a cat suit, bare-butt naked and they don't blink an eye. they aren't impressed with designer clothin', makeup or the latest hair style. they accept ya as ya are. how ya treat & interact with 'em.
shame folks can't be that way. what a better world this might be if we took the cue from critters & nature. respected each others territories. did no harm fer the sake of greed....
oh, i've been ponderin' over startin' another of these silly things - jest fer the malady's that seem to be strikin' mine & so many others bodies ~ fer the celiac's out there. in hopes that perhaps we can get it figured out the best of our abilities and show the medical profession that we're not nut cases to be swept under the rug.
i've no answers fer any of the above. some folks told me i needed one, so started this one. there's no structure to the darned thing. i bounce all over the place. i'm hard to follow (ok, who's followin' me? don't they know i'm lost?), i get it.
havin' been told most my life that i'm not wired right seems to be a good cause fer it all. i used to have grand humor. was told to write a book... i tried, apparently that's one of my many "aint bright enough to figure that out" thingies. i don't find myself funny. i think the southern drawl makes some things i say sound funnier than they actually are. i'm extremely over-animated when i'm with folks i don't know. they make me uncomfortable & i reckon it's my belief that if i can make 'em laugh (usually it involves things that aren't funny to begin with, jest a knack i've got perhaps), they won't see how insecure i truly am.
i find comfort in critters. the 4 legged kind. most all species. i'm fascinated by 'em. their behaviors, learnin' patterns, structures of their life. they are not judgemental. they care not what'cha where, where ya hang yer hat, what sorta vehicle ya drive.
one can go out in a cat suit, bare-butt naked and they don't blink an eye. they aren't impressed with designer clothin', makeup or the latest hair style. they accept ya as ya are. how ya treat & interact with 'em.
shame folks can't be that way. what a better world this might be if we took the cue from critters & nature. respected each others territories. did no harm fer the sake of greed....
oh, i've been ponderin' over startin' another of these silly things - jest fer the malady's that seem to be strikin' mine & so many others bodies ~ fer the celiac's out there. in hopes that perhaps we can get it figured out the best of our abilities and show the medical profession that we're not nut cases to be swept under the rug.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
the coolness of a fall type morn
i'll admit it, i slept in this morn. didn't crack an eye til a quarter to 8! blasphemy, i say - i missed the dawnin' of a new day!
well, not entirely. a eerie, foggy haze has enveloped the awakenin' of the sun. seems a mist in the far distance. a coolness (61 degrees F) touched with a soft breeze has encased my usual sunny morns into falsehood of bein' in the mountains. the soft hush of the waterfall, the mass of trees and vines comfortably surroundin' my lil "touch of home". the depths of greens, textures abound. soft whinnies comin' from my friends on the other side of the fence. a dove cooin' in the trees...
the distance trees of which have suffered immensely due to the drought. some have asked why not jest take down those dead elms? they are part of my childhood memories as well as a nestin' spot fer our hawks. jest couldn't do it to 'em as there's hours of entertainment watchin' 'em learn to fly.
the openin' of the back door to the soft pallet of the porch. a wonderous place to sit and soak it all in...
usually covered in masses of flowers, this ol' thing seems content this year to jest do it sporadically and let the others shine.
caught it! have been tryin' all summer to catch this lovely flora in it's awakenin' hour :)
with the absence of sunshine, it seems rather pale amongst the cloudy skies. the lacy peach delicateness of it astounds me still.
it's hard to grow a fern in this arid climate. this one's not farin' too bad & the creepin' fig that lives amongst it in the strawberry pot seems most content to take over it's corner of the porch ~ and i love it.
bright pops of color are smattered amongst. to give aid in dispersin' the eye to wander...
with the cool temps, the pansy are yet again puttin' on a show of wonders...
did i mention before that i love sage?
petunia...what else to be said?
well, not entirely. a eerie, foggy haze has enveloped the awakenin' of the sun. seems a mist in the far distance. a coolness (61 degrees F) touched with a soft breeze has encased my usual sunny morns into falsehood of bein' in the mountains. the soft hush of the waterfall, the mass of trees and vines comfortably surroundin' my lil "touch of home". the depths of greens, textures abound. soft whinnies comin' from my friends on the other side of the fence. a dove cooin' in the trees...
the distance trees of which have suffered immensely due to the drought. some have asked why not jest take down those dead elms? they are part of my childhood memories as well as a nestin' spot fer our hawks. jest couldn't do it to 'em as there's hours of entertainment watchin' 'em learn to fly.
the openin' of the back door to the soft pallet of the porch. a wonderous place to sit and soak it all in...
 |
| good mornin'! |
usually covered in masses of flowers, this ol' thing seems content this year to jest do it sporadically and let the others shine.
caught it! have been tryin' all summer to catch this lovely flora in it's awakenin' hour :)
with the absence of sunshine, it seems rather pale amongst the cloudy skies. the lacy peach delicateness of it astounds me still.
it's hard to grow a fern in this arid climate. this one's not farin' too bad & the creepin' fig that lives amongst it in the strawberry pot seems most content to take over it's corner of the porch ~ and i love it.
bright pops of color are smattered amongst. to give aid in dispersin' the eye to wander...
with the cool temps, the pansy are yet again puttin' on a show of wonders...
did i mention before that i love sage?
petunia...what else to be said?
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
kickin' negativity to the curb
yepperz, i've hit that point of doin' my best to get rid of it. not jest banish it to a corner to come and taunt.
rejuvenated by an actress, her battle with celiac disease. the positive outlook she projects so well has inspired me to quit wallowin' and get back to bein' busy gettin' well again.
spent hours combin' the web in search of new answers, old answers i've not come across in the past 5 years and tryin' to get 'em compiled in my head. a difficult, yet entirely doable thing. one jest has to set their mind to it, block out the negativity, not be daunted by the unknown & folks who've not a clue.
do one's best to help educate our backwards society into the realization that it's a real disease, with serious health consequences. some debilitatin', some jest pesky annoyances. most to be overcome with the proper treatment and care.
tomorrow will be a phone call to my doc, this time demandin' a blood test to check all my vitamin and mineral levels. why? coz it's important. folks with celiac disease walk a tight rope on the nutrition end. i'm confident that somethin' is askew, yet i've not pin-pointed it on my own. i need numbers in order to construct a better game plan to speed this last bout's last leg. if she won't, i'll have to find someone who will. it's jest that important.
i awoke this mornin' with the numbness from the bottoms of my feet all the way to the middle of my nose. muscle spasms throughout the head. vision somewhat compromised and an odd tic of "snarlin". which is slightly uncomfortable, but mostly jest annoyin'. the "numb" feelin' is what i'd call "stayed in the water too long". ya know, that odd wrinkly finger & feet thing? yet it's compromisin' about 90% of the body. everythin' feels rough, painful to the touch. BUT, my walkin' coordination has greatly improved since sunday. i count this as a positive thing :)
so it begins...
rejuvenated by an actress, her battle with celiac disease. the positive outlook she projects so well has inspired me to quit wallowin' and get back to bein' busy gettin' well again.
spent hours combin' the web in search of new answers, old answers i've not come across in the past 5 years and tryin' to get 'em compiled in my head. a difficult, yet entirely doable thing. one jest has to set their mind to it, block out the negativity, not be daunted by the unknown & folks who've not a clue.
do one's best to help educate our backwards society into the realization that it's a real disease, with serious health consequences. some debilitatin', some jest pesky annoyances. most to be overcome with the proper treatment and care.
tomorrow will be a phone call to my doc, this time demandin' a blood test to check all my vitamin and mineral levels. why? coz it's important. folks with celiac disease walk a tight rope on the nutrition end. i'm confident that somethin' is askew, yet i've not pin-pointed it on my own. i need numbers in order to construct a better game plan to speed this last bout's last leg. if she won't, i'll have to find someone who will. it's jest that important.
i awoke this mornin' with the numbness from the bottoms of my feet all the way to the middle of my nose. muscle spasms throughout the head. vision somewhat compromised and an odd tic of "snarlin". which is slightly uncomfortable, but mostly jest annoyin'. the "numb" feelin' is what i'd call "stayed in the water too long". ya know, that odd wrinkly finger & feet thing? yet it's compromisin' about 90% of the body. everythin' feels rough, painful to the touch. BUT, my walkin' coordination has greatly improved since sunday. i count this as a positive thing :)
so it begins...
Monday, August 20, 2012
salt & folks that bring ya down... noperz, not dyin' yet!
salt. a key nutrient that most folks get too much of. after spendin' hours researchin' my "crap, am i croakin'" last nite into the early hours of the morn, i came across valuable info. on a negative note, lack thereof can and does cause, in me at least, a cravin' fer cigarettes & soda...
seems that gatorade and other sports drinks alike are low sodium. hence wherein some of my troubles have lied it appears. one has to understand the adrenal gland, it's hiccups and such that apparently go with celiac disease. whilst drinkin' gallons (dr's orders coz my potassium level was almost non-existent) of the schtuff daily fer the past 6wks tryin' to get well, i was in fact makin' myself sicker in a sense. not enough salt, combined with loads of prednisone it all told my adrenal gland to take a nap....not a good thing! drank 8 glasses of salt water in the wee hours this mornin', got a 3hr nap and although i'm not "well", i can sorta walk. still have muscle tics runnin' amok, have even developed an intermittent snarl it seems? the numbness is all still there, now has progressed all the way to mid chest. am i worried? nah, figure it took me 6 wks to get my electrolytes so outta kilter it's not funny, have grand hopes that once they're straightened out so will the neuropathy... or whatever the heck it is that's goin' on to cause the malfunctions.
which brings me to the folks that bring ya down. i've a wonderful, supportive, adorin' mom :) she worries too much about me, but tells me that i'm her baby & it's her right. bein' a mother myself, i sure can't hold that against her. we dislike seein' our youngun's in pain, sufferin' or in need - regardless of their age. it's been more painful fer her i reckon than on myself. i'm all she's left outside her sister. our family keeps "goin' home" so to speak and there are few of us left.
the youngun's are iffy? haven't figured it they jest don't care, have become "immune" to it all after 5yrs or they've jest too much life on their plates to show much concern or offer assistance. don't get me wrong, i've got great youngun's! love 'em to pieces, they are most compassionate about others & their sufferin'. i jest don't seem to feel it, or perhaps they think i've not a need fer it? i've always been a very strong, independent person. geesh, i'm never gonna get "mother of the year" award...
the one who brings me down? the hubs. i reckon it's my fault fer gettin' illnesses fer which there's no cure? or that we've no health insurance? or that i keep havin' troubles, regardless of my diet. hello?? can one say "stress"? he's in denial that he does his best to stress me out. he lives in a dark past he either can't or won't come to terms with...
he makes me feel like a led balloon attached to his happiness & funds. i have great guilt fer bein' ill, not bein' able to hold down a job or pullin' my weight (hmmm, lemme see... who does the laundry, cookin'/cleanin', tends the pups, etc in the house??? oh yeah, that'd be me...) and take care of the horses. i do not become ill on purpose. i am prone to holdin' out til it's purty bad prior to goin' to the doc. but, perhaps that's coz i have the constant "we don't have funds fer that" (typically after a weekend of him playin' golf...and eatin' out...) and i feel the pressure to jest become magically well.
jest tonite, he was belittlin' me yet again on the matter. had him a few drinks out in the garage while talkin' with his kin. he denies it, i'm not stupid. although i do tire of the constant banterin' on it.
there are times i feel i've done my part. prior to my "early retirement" i had everythin' paid off. no house payment, no vehicle payments. we had no debt. i worked 2 & 3 jobs (as did he, i'll give him credit there) when we 1st married to get him outta debt. no thanks given. i'd love to have all the money spent in bars and on golf courses throughout the past 25yrs. and the legal fees, etc to go along with his consequences which i've had to endure as well. (to those who've had the good fortune NOT to get a dui, count yer blessin'! - it ruins yer credit as well as hikin' yer auto insurance x4).
oh yeah, my horses cost too much. can't sell 'em coz they aint started. nobody'd want half of 'em coz their mustangs. gee? didn't ya grow up on a ranch startin' colts? hmmm, musta conveniently fergotten that part of it. actually he didn't. the one he tried to start turned into a disaster (no patience, too much alcohol) and will take a bit to "fix".
did i mention that i love him? sigh.... the pity of it all :(
seems that gatorade and other sports drinks alike are low sodium. hence wherein some of my troubles have lied it appears. one has to understand the adrenal gland, it's hiccups and such that apparently go with celiac disease. whilst drinkin' gallons (dr's orders coz my potassium level was almost non-existent) of the schtuff daily fer the past 6wks tryin' to get well, i was in fact makin' myself sicker in a sense. not enough salt, combined with loads of prednisone it all told my adrenal gland to take a nap....not a good thing! drank 8 glasses of salt water in the wee hours this mornin', got a 3hr nap and although i'm not "well", i can sorta walk. still have muscle tics runnin' amok, have even developed an intermittent snarl it seems? the numbness is all still there, now has progressed all the way to mid chest. am i worried? nah, figure it took me 6 wks to get my electrolytes so outta kilter it's not funny, have grand hopes that once they're straightened out so will the neuropathy... or whatever the heck it is that's goin' on to cause the malfunctions.
which brings me to the folks that bring ya down. i've a wonderful, supportive, adorin' mom :) she worries too much about me, but tells me that i'm her baby & it's her right. bein' a mother myself, i sure can't hold that against her. we dislike seein' our youngun's in pain, sufferin' or in need - regardless of their age. it's been more painful fer her i reckon than on myself. i'm all she's left outside her sister. our family keeps "goin' home" so to speak and there are few of us left.
the youngun's are iffy? haven't figured it they jest don't care, have become "immune" to it all after 5yrs or they've jest too much life on their plates to show much concern or offer assistance. don't get me wrong, i've got great youngun's! love 'em to pieces, they are most compassionate about others & their sufferin'. i jest don't seem to feel it, or perhaps they think i've not a need fer it? i've always been a very strong, independent person. geesh, i'm never gonna get "mother of the year" award...
the one who brings me down? the hubs. i reckon it's my fault fer gettin' illnesses fer which there's no cure? or that we've no health insurance? or that i keep havin' troubles, regardless of my diet. hello?? can one say "stress"? he's in denial that he does his best to stress me out. he lives in a dark past he either can't or won't come to terms with...
he makes me feel like a led balloon attached to his happiness & funds. i have great guilt fer bein' ill, not bein' able to hold down a job or pullin' my weight (hmmm, lemme see... who does the laundry, cookin'/cleanin', tends the pups, etc in the house??? oh yeah, that'd be me...) and take care of the horses. i do not become ill on purpose. i am prone to holdin' out til it's purty bad prior to goin' to the doc. but, perhaps that's coz i have the constant "we don't have funds fer that" (typically after a weekend of him playin' golf...and eatin' out...) and i feel the pressure to jest become magically well.
jest tonite, he was belittlin' me yet again on the matter. had him a few drinks out in the garage while talkin' with his kin. he denies it, i'm not stupid. although i do tire of the constant banterin' on it.
there are times i feel i've done my part. prior to my "early retirement" i had everythin' paid off. no house payment, no vehicle payments. we had no debt. i worked 2 & 3 jobs (as did he, i'll give him credit there) when we 1st married to get him outta debt. no thanks given. i'd love to have all the money spent in bars and on golf courses throughout the past 25yrs. and the legal fees, etc to go along with his consequences which i've had to endure as well. (to those who've had the good fortune NOT to get a dui, count yer blessin'! - it ruins yer credit as well as hikin' yer auto insurance x4).
oh yeah, my horses cost too much. can't sell 'em coz they aint started. nobody'd want half of 'em coz their mustangs. gee? didn't ya grow up on a ranch startin' colts? hmmm, musta conveniently fergotten that part of it. actually he didn't. the one he tried to start turned into a disaster (no patience, too much alcohol) and will take a bit to "fix".
did i mention that i love him? sigh.... the pity of it all :(
am i dyin'?
it's a thought that's been lingerin' in the back of my mind (i know... either truth, paranoia or denial) fer the past month. i've developed the habit of talkin' to dead folks. i see "things" that aren't there. they float by, sometimes they stop....
i looked into the mirror friday and was mortified by what i saw. it was a skeleton of the person that i once was. i had a great passion fer life. a need to "do" somethin'. channeled my energies into my horses, the plight of the american mustang. the injustices they indure in the wild and in captivity. i'd spend 8-12 hrs a day out with my lil herd. learnin', teachin', gentlin', trainin', carin' fer 'em the best of my ability. now they sit and wonder why they live a life alone i fear. i'm not much use to 'em. can barely make it out to give scratches on random days. i have great guilt over the matter... i took care of everythin' on the place, now it lies in squander.....
i've a numbness that started at the balls of my feet. was innocent enough. didn't pay it much mind except when showerin' & towelin' off. no pain really, jest felt as though my sock had fallen in my boots & was wadded underneath the ball of my feet. more annoyin' than alarmin'.
it then moved to the fingers. writin' has been most difficult, i can't even read my own written word most times. illegible scribble at best. sometimes the numbness is more severe than others. i wrote that off as well. must'a messed somethin' up in my neck or back (residual effects from a bad wreck some years ago, my thought).
a porcupine moved into the picture, which was not a welcome thing. yes, a porcupine. the only thing i can thing of to describe the feelin' in & around my mouth. like porcupine quills pokin' out through the skin. the sudden muscle "tics" that makes one thinks they're havin' a stroke. feels as though the left side of my face has been hit with a mega dose of novacaine, courtesy of a dentist.
the porcupine has moved on, makes lil appearances from time to time, but the numbness continues. spoke with the doc about this ordeal. he said "peripheral neuropathy". not all too common, but occurs in folks with celiac disease, such as mine. nothin' that can be done fer it, he says....
this last bout of "what the heck" or what i'd akin a mild crash'n burn has left my body in complete disarray i fear. my ability to walk is greatly influenced. i've no more muscle. my knees and hips are fer the most part non-functional. i told my son the other day that i take my "walkin'" to be that of a Tim Burton movie - where the characters had their torso's on askew.
after not sleepin' fer a couple days (thanks, prednisone - coulda used that energizer bunny i normally get when takin' ya - what happened there?), i feel into a deep sleep after completely exhaustin' myself takin' a shower sunday afternoon. slept almost 8 hours in fact! my 1st thought was holy crap, followed quickly by "uh-oh".
yep, uh-oh. numb from the waist down - all body parts if ya know what i mean. roof of mouth, tongue, left side of face as well as the hands... i'm so tired of this! seems i've almost hit my resolve to jest quit and give up. crawl under a rock until the buzzards come.
wait a minute! i'm not a quitter! i went back to researchin' all the malady's, things the doc said and have found that perhaps my adrenal gland aint functionin' proper, or even at all again. could be vitamin deficiency, especially those all important b's. what, ya ask? when my gut goes into crash'n burn mode, my body doesn't seem to absorb much in the line of nutrients from the foods i eat. i go to take my blood pressure (which tends to run low - why? doc's say they dunno, but my research points to that sluggish adrenal gland) and find that i'm outta AAA batteries... how'd that happen? must find someone to fetch me some later today (it's 2:14am).
i'm gonna figure this out. i MUST figure this out. the medical profession doesn't seem to be very concerned with it due to the fact that i've no insurance. seriously? yes, seriously. was told this last visit (a week ago today, in fact) that if i had insurance, they'd send me to the Mayo clinic in arizona to have extensive testin'. i reckon if yer under insured, or no insurance at all, it's ok to let'cha jest melt away into nothin'.
yes, i took my adrenal stress schtuff. reckon i shoulda never stopped it, but ya know how it is. one gets to feelin' better and after a while it seems like a pure waste of money to spend. will take about a month to completely kick in, if that's it. in the meantime? more research on my part i reckon. am thinkin' a spa detox fer metals. have heard of 'em, but never been. yes, more research - gotta love the net!
i looked into the mirror friday and was mortified by what i saw. it was a skeleton of the person that i once was. i had a great passion fer life. a need to "do" somethin'. channeled my energies into my horses, the plight of the american mustang. the injustices they indure in the wild and in captivity. i'd spend 8-12 hrs a day out with my lil herd. learnin', teachin', gentlin', trainin', carin' fer 'em the best of my ability. now they sit and wonder why they live a life alone i fear. i'm not much use to 'em. can barely make it out to give scratches on random days. i have great guilt over the matter... i took care of everythin' on the place, now it lies in squander.....
i've a numbness that started at the balls of my feet. was innocent enough. didn't pay it much mind except when showerin' & towelin' off. no pain really, jest felt as though my sock had fallen in my boots & was wadded underneath the ball of my feet. more annoyin' than alarmin'.
it then moved to the fingers. writin' has been most difficult, i can't even read my own written word most times. illegible scribble at best. sometimes the numbness is more severe than others. i wrote that off as well. must'a messed somethin' up in my neck or back (residual effects from a bad wreck some years ago, my thought).
a porcupine moved into the picture, which was not a welcome thing. yes, a porcupine. the only thing i can thing of to describe the feelin' in & around my mouth. like porcupine quills pokin' out through the skin. the sudden muscle "tics" that makes one thinks they're havin' a stroke. feels as though the left side of my face has been hit with a mega dose of novacaine, courtesy of a dentist.
the porcupine has moved on, makes lil appearances from time to time, but the numbness continues. spoke with the doc about this ordeal. he said "peripheral neuropathy". not all too common, but occurs in folks with celiac disease, such as mine. nothin' that can be done fer it, he says....
this last bout of "what the heck" or what i'd akin a mild crash'n burn has left my body in complete disarray i fear. my ability to walk is greatly influenced. i've no more muscle. my knees and hips are fer the most part non-functional. i told my son the other day that i take my "walkin'" to be that of a Tim Burton movie - where the characters had their torso's on askew.
after not sleepin' fer a couple days (thanks, prednisone - coulda used that energizer bunny i normally get when takin' ya - what happened there?), i feel into a deep sleep after completely exhaustin' myself takin' a shower sunday afternoon. slept almost 8 hours in fact! my 1st thought was holy crap, followed quickly by "uh-oh".
yep, uh-oh. numb from the waist down - all body parts if ya know what i mean. roof of mouth, tongue, left side of face as well as the hands... i'm so tired of this! seems i've almost hit my resolve to jest quit and give up. crawl under a rock until the buzzards come.
wait a minute! i'm not a quitter! i went back to researchin' all the malady's, things the doc said and have found that perhaps my adrenal gland aint functionin' proper, or even at all again. could be vitamin deficiency, especially those all important b's. what, ya ask? when my gut goes into crash'n burn mode, my body doesn't seem to absorb much in the line of nutrients from the foods i eat. i go to take my blood pressure (which tends to run low - why? doc's say they dunno, but my research points to that sluggish adrenal gland) and find that i'm outta AAA batteries... how'd that happen? must find someone to fetch me some later today (it's 2:14am).
i'm gonna figure this out. i MUST figure this out. the medical profession doesn't seem to be very concerned with it due to the fact that i've no insurance. seriously? yes, seriously. was told this last visit (a week ago today, in fact) that if i had insurance, they'd send me to the Mayo clinic in arizona to have extensive testin'. i reckon if yer under insured, or no insurance at all, it's ok to let'cha jest melt away into nothin'.
yes, i took my adrenal stress schtuff. reckon i shoulda never stopped it, but ya know how it is. one gets to feelin' better and after a while it seems like a pure waste of money to spend. will take about a month to completely kick in, if that's it. in the meantime? more research on my part i reckon. am thinkin' a spa detox fer metals. have heard of 'em, but never been. yes, more research - gotta love the net!
Saturday, August 18, 2012
dog days of summer
the delicateness of a miniature rose as it's jest beginnin' to bloom. the perfection of nature always astounds me.
this lil beaut was a gift from the hubs, she blooms like a champ. from it's pure pink start to it's faded white, it always makes me smile.
the hummers are happy, yet i can't seem to capture one, lol. the cardinal flower vines are jest now startin' to bloom their tiny wonders. can't wait til it gets goin' to brighten up the garden!
i adore flowers of all types, they are sometimes most difficult to grow in this drought and wind ridden country, but i've quite a few lil beauts that hang in there, and i'm most happy fer it!
the pups, ms jade & ms bandit. they are always close by and almost as hard to get a pic of as those illusive hummers :)
the common salvia (aka, sage) is a staple to me. i adore their periwinkle blue hues, find it quite soothin' in fact. along with their pungent odor to fill out the garden.
i love the pop of copper & yellow amongst the pinkish purple blooms. adds a bit of interest. yepperz, i'm a "textural" kinda gal and fancy much variety.
i adore hibiscus, they've only one fault - those gorgeous blooms last only a day. one must take the time to truly enjoy the beauty they bring! this double bloomer has been a champ this summer and is adored by hummers & bees alike.
the delicate sweetness of a water lily in bloom! they seem to give the pond a bit of the exotic as well as bright punches of color.
 |
| peekin' through the cattails, soothin' to me somehow... |
Friday, August 17, 2012
governor's office...
well, me bein' me, i sent my "thoughts" to her... and those of other states as well in regards to the welfare system. noperz, haven't had a word back from any except fer the "thanks fer contactin' our office, yer views and opinions are important to us. if ya have anythin' else to get off yer shoulders, holler back at us". ya know, the standard "crap, someone sent us somethin' non-important yet again".
the albuquerque news is filled with things of this nature. accountability, accessibility, unlockin' secrets & snoopin' on the fire department, police department, road department, county, city, state employees and beyond. yepperz, the "public's right to know". tis a good thing. they've made many folks lose their jobs, go to jail, opened up all kinds of cans of worms. wonder if they'd take a stab at gettin' the word out? wonder how the family would feel about that?
nah, they'd prolly give me a "free" trip to las vegas... new mexico, not nevada...to the nut house :) but then again, perhaps that's where i need to be?
the albuquerque news is filled with things of this nature. accountability, accessibility, unlockin' secrets & snoopin' on the fire department, police department, road department, county, city, state employees and beyond. yepperz, the "public's right to know". tis a good thing. they've made many folks lose their jobs, go to jail, opened up all kinds of cans of worms. wonder if they'd take a stab at gettin' the word out? wonder how the family would feel about that?
nah, they'd prolly give me a "free" trip to las vegas... new mexico, not nevada...to the nut house :) but then again, perhaps that's where i need to be?
new jeans, dad 'n my boots
it's 5am... i've been up since a lil before 4. yes, the steroids are finally kickin' in. use of the legs are returnin' although the numbness still resides in the feet, down the outer part of my calves. the boa constrictor that's been livin' in my lower back is now more of a dull, annoyin' ache. some improvement is better than none and i'll sure take it!
tryin' not to wake the folks in the house, i found myself doin' the chore of ironin'. dunno why some see it that way. it's somehow relaxin' to me, especially on new jeans. seems to be an art to fixin' the things the manufacturers have screwed up. if yer familiar with Wrangler, ya know exactly what i'm talkin' about.
ya purchase the stiff things, turn 'em inside out, wash 'em in vinegar water a few times to set the dye. turn 'em right sided, line everythin' up jest so. fold 'em like they'd be pressed, toss 'em in the dryer & cross yer fingers that the legs won't turn funny, the inseam will lay in perfect unison...fer 'em only to come out lookin' as if they've been wadded up & shoved under the sofa cushion durin' a family reunion.
great disappointment, dispairin' sighs as one looks upon the streaked denim ~ oh wait! one pair came out in perfection, wonder how that pair snuck through their quality control? these go neatly in the hubs closet, to be worn with pride. the others? well, they take some tricky ironin' techniques, lots of steam and much patience. a whole hour to iron out 3 pairs.
yes, i know that Wrangler has a year warranty on their clothes. these things however aint considered a manufacturin' default nor defective denim. jest "one of those things that happens when usin' natural fabric", denim is cotton ya know. quality of said cotton, length & strength all determine a good fabric. perhaps their buyers aint payin' that much attention to that detail? grainy dye on some, others the deepest of blues - all only visible after washin'.
i've been doin' battle with Wrangler, Justin, Roper, Levi, jest to name a few of my fav's fer years. i do not comprehend why all their clothes are manufactured in foreign countries and sold at the same price they were when made in america. they tell me it's cheaper. perhaps it lines their pockets. me? i'd be ashamed to have my "label" on shotty made goods bein' sold fer more than their worth.
it's not jest the jeans. it's the boots, the shirts, the jackets, socks, underthingies ~ seems not much is made here anymore. i purchased a pair of Justin Gypsy boots. i could no longer wear my ropers (my ostrich finally bit the dirt thanks to a boot repair fella who buffed black boot polish into 'em with an electric buffer, which in turn dried 'em out & they cracked), swellin' in the feet & ankles was an issue. i needed a pair of boots to ride in. i researched 'em, folks bragged at their comfort and feel. what the heck? ordered a pair.
they arrived 3 days later, much to my surprise. they are cute (not that i purchased 'em fer the "cute factor"), they feel like puttin' on a pair of house slippers. there's no "break-in time". they have a big, round toe. midcalf, and the are somewhat wide from the ankle up - perfect fer that swellin'! although, they didn't look like a "pair" of boots, one was the smooth, shiny black as advertised. the other? well, kinda dingy and with a slightly different texture to it? the horses don't care & i'm sure not a fashion diva, so kept 'em coz of the comfort factor.
when my dad (rest his soul) was 1st diagnosed with lung cancer and i made the trek back home to the hills (aka, middle tennessee), the 1st thing he said to me when i arrived at the hospital was "gal, what the hecks wrong with yer boots?" i explained it to him (yes, i jest drove solo 1300 miles in ice & snow with huge chunks of interstate missin', but the boots were his priority). he had a master plan before i could even get my jacket off. "when ya get me home, i'll dye 'em to match", he says.
after a couple weeks of workin' on him (pneumonia had crept into his lungs, hence how they found the cancer), we got to take him home. he jest couldn't wait to "fix" my boots. drug out the dyes, moved all essential equipment onto his big, covered porch and he set to work. he took the "dingy" and slathered it in black dye. we waited patiently, he buffed, spit, polished, buffed some more, spit some more.... yepperz, he got it to shine like a dime but he still wasn't happy coz it was that ebony to match the other. he pondered his plan of action...
yes! the only solution was to dye the other gray. and so goes the process of above, and with much better success. they almost looked as though they were a pair! when i felt it was safe to come back home, i was sent with all sorts of gadgets, dyes, polishes, clothes, electric buffer to tend to these now "new dime" shiny boots.
there's only one really big problem here. the uppers on these boots are leather. the rest? well, "manmade materials" or course! i've spent much time tryin' to keep the appearance my dearly departed dad had created. it's impossible in this desert climate i fear. there's no grass or humidity to aid in keepin' every speck of dust to stickin' to 'em. they are akin to a "cow pattie brown" after bein' outdoors. it's to the point of i jest hose 'em off 'fore i come in. let 'em dry and start tryin' to regain that "shiny and well tended" look once again.
why didn't i return 'em? comfort... i'm a sucker fer comfort. would i purchase another pair? i keep tellin' Justin that i will, when they are made in america.
these boots'll stay with me the remainder of my days as they are the last "thing" ever done with my dad ~
tryin' not to wake the folks in the house, i found myself doin' the chore of ironin'. dunno why some see it that way. it's somehow relaxin' to me, especially on new jeans. seems to be an art to fixin' the things the manufacturers have screwed up. if yer familiar with Wrangler, ya know exactly what i'm talkin' about.
ya purchase the stiff things, turn 'em inside out, wash 'em in vinegar water a few times to set the dye. turn 'em right sided, line everythin' up jest so. fold 'em like they'd be pressed, toss 'em in the dryer & cross yer fingers that the legs won't turn funny, the inseam will lay in perfect unison...fer 'em only to come out lookin' as if they've been wadded up & shoved under the sofa cushion durin' a family reunion.
great disappointment, dispairin' sighs as one looks upon the streaked denim ~ oh wait! one pair came out in perfection, wonder how that pair snuck through their quality control? these go neatly in the hubs closet, to be worn with pride. the others? well, they take some tricky ironin' techniques, lots of steam and much patience. a whole hour to iron out 3 pairs.
yes, i know that Wrangler has a year warranty on their clothes. these things however aint considered a manufacturin' default nor defective denim. jest "one of those things that happens when usin' natural fabric", denim is cotton ya know. quality of said cotton, length & strength all determine a good fabric. perhaps their buyers aint payin' that much attention to that detail? grainy dye on some, others the deepest of blues - all only visible after washin'.
i've been doin' battle with Wrangler, Justin, Roper, Levi, jest to name a few of my fav's fer years. i do not comprehend why all their clothes are manufactured in foreign countries and sold at the same price they were when made in america. they tell me it's cheaper. perhaps it lines their pockets. me? i'd be ashamed to have my "label" on shotty made goods bein' sold fer more than their worth.
it's not jest the jeans. it's the boots, the shirts, the jackets, socks, underthingies ~ seems not much is made here anymore. i purchased a pair of Justin Gypsy boots. i could no longer wear my ropers (my ostrich finally bit the dirt thanks to a boot repair fella who buffed black boot polish into 'em with an electric buffer, which in turn dried 'em out & they cracked), swellin' in the feet & ankles was an issue. i needed a pair of boots to ride in. i researched 'em, folks bragged at their comfort and feel. what the heck? ordered a pair.
they arrived 3 days later, much to my surprise. they are cute (not that i purchased 'em fer the "cute factor"), they feel like puttin' on a pair of house slippers. there's no "break-in time". they have a big, round toe. midcalf, and the are somewhat wide from the ankle up - perfect fer that swellin'! although, they didn't look like a "pair" of boots, one was the smooth, shiny black as advertised. the other? well, kinda dingy and with a slightly different texture to it? the horses don't care & i'm sure not a fashion diva, so kept 'em coz of the comfort factor.
when my dad (rest his soul) was 1st diagnosed with lung cancer and i made the trek back home to the hills (aka, middle tennessee), the 1st thing he said to me when i arrived at the hospital was "gal, what the hecks wrong with yer boots?" i explained it to him (yes, i jest drove solo 1300 miles in ice & snow with huge chunks of interstate missin', but the boots were his priority). he had a master plan before i could even get my jacket off. "when ya get me home, i'll dye 'em to match", he says.
after a couple weeks of workin' on him (pneumonia had crept into his lungs, hence how they found the cancer), we got to take him home. he jest couldn't wait to "fix" my boots. drug out the dyes, moved all essential equipment onto his big, covered porch and he set to work. he took the "dingy" and slathered it in black dye. we waited patiently, he buffed, spit, polished, buffed some more, spit some more.... yepperz, he got it to shine like a dime but he still wasn't happy coz it was that ebony to match the other. he pondered his plan of action...
yes! the only solution was to dye the other gray. and so goes the process of above, and with much better success. they almost looked as though they were a pair! when i felt it was safe to come back home, i was sent with all sorts of gadgets, dyes, polishes, clothes, electric buffer to tend to these now "new dime" shiny boots.
there's only one really big problem here. the uppers on these boots are leather. the rest? well, "manmade materials" or course! i've spent much time tryin' to keep the appearance my dearly departed dad had created. it's impossible in this desert climate i fear. there's no grass or humidity to aid in keepin' every speck of dust to stickin' to 'em. they are akin to a "cow pattie brown" after bein' outdoors. it's to the point of i jest hose 'em off 'fore i come in. let 'em dry and start tryin' to regain that "shiny and well tended" look once again.
why didn't i return 'em? comfort... i'm a sucker fer comfort. would i purchase another pair? i keep tellin' Justin that i will, when they are made in america.
these boots'll stay with me the remainder of my days as they are the last "thing" ever done with my dad ~
Thursday, August 16, 2012
later....
as i sit 'n watch the winds blow through the trees, leaves dancin' about, i ponder rebuildin' my life. water softly cascades the waterfall, flowers bounce about in the cool breeze. cattails sway, not so gently above the ponded waters. a cold front is on the move, a grand relief from the heat. mother nature teased us with rain last eve, but only granted random sprinkles. was an incredible night fer lightnin' though as it patchworked itself all around. spiderin' out in fantastic glorious waves that crackled across the dark skies.
on the road to what is appearin' to be a slow recovery from this latest bout of crohn's/celiac/peripheral neuropathy & whatever heck else is goin' on with my body, i must generate another plan of action to get back into shape. twasn't all that horrible i reckon, lost another 11 lbs., what muscle mass i'd regained from the last bout (may 2012). the tiredness seems to content to linger, which i'm tryin' not to get discouraged with. typically by day 4 of mega doses of prednisone, i'm the energizer bunny. go on a massive cleanin' frenzy. i'm talkin' top to bottom, floor to ceilin', everythin' has to be scrubbed, polished and then done again.
i've not the energy nor the strength. i'm doin' good to push the broom across the kitchen floor every morn'. i see the dust and say "later". this is not a good thing. i've 2 indoor/outdoor dogs and a pesky cat. it's been an effort to keep the kitchen clean (i'm anal retentive, i'll admit - can't stand dishes in the sink or a dirty kitchen at all). i must confess that i've laundry that's not been put up proper. have taken the road of the hubs & it's piled on the chest at the foot of the bed. it annoys me, but again i'm tellin' myself "later".
a game plan needs to be in place to get myself turned back around, but i've not the oomph to get one started. must work on regainin' strength, workin' on the muscles, gettin' my core back into shape. clean this pitiful house. play with the horses. get off my duff and take some pic's fer heaven's sake. i see the opportunities to do the latter...jest don't seem to have that desire. how does one get it back?
on the road to what is appearin' to be a slow recovery from this latest bout of crohn's/celiac/peripheral neuropathy & whatever heck else is goin' on with my body, i must generate another plan of action to get back into shape. twasn't all that horrible i reckon, lost another 11 lbs., what muscle mass i'd regained from the last bout (may 2012). the tiredness seems to content to linger, which i'm tryin' not to get discouraged with. typically by day 4 of mega doses of prednisone, i'm the energizer bunny. go on a massive cleanin' frenzy. i'm talkin' top to bottom, floor to ceilin', everythin' has to be scrubbed, polished and then done again.
i've not the energy nor the strength. i'm doin' good to push the broom across the kitchen floor every morn'. i see the dust and say "later". this is not a good thing. i've 2 indoor/outdoor dogs and a pesky cat. it's been an effort to keep the kitchen clean (i'm anal retentive, i'll admit - can't stand dishes in the sink or a dirty kitchen at all). i must confess that i've laundry that's not been put up proper. have taken the road of the hubs & it's piled on the chest at the foot of the bed. it annoys me, but again i'm tellin' myself "later".
a game plan needs to be in place to get myself turned back around, but i've not the oomph to get one started. must work on regainin' strength, workin' on the muscles, gettin' my core back into shape. clean this pitiful house. play with the horses. get off my duff and take some pic's fer heaven's sake. i see the opportunities to do the latter...jest don't seem to have that desire. how does one get it back?
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
sunrise on the high plains
as the sun makes it's way to awaken the high plains after many storms have passed, the soft glow of orange highlights the remainin' clouds with the promise of a new day....pickin' up the dust particles in the air and dancin' pink and mauve waves to tickle the bottoms and thread throughout, while others are outlined in a magnificent bright white. truly a sight to stop & admire!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
friendly fliers & drops of rain
i've been quite under the weather here of late. not to mention ol' henry leavin' me as he did, and tried to find some humor and or comfort in this life.
my dear, sweet mom has been comin' & tendin' the many flowers that encompass my lil oasis. bless her heart! i'm so very glad that she did :) she doesn't trek over at the crack of dawn, so i'd had no word on my lil hummer bud who likes to give me a "what fer" when i'm waterin' his favorite flowers & don't see him... and he gets watered as well.
has been so hot that the birds have been most quiet durin' the day, no bathes taken in the waterfall. no battles fer the best rock to feel that coolness of the water softly bouncin' off the falls. jest an occasional common sparrow perched on the pergola outside the livin' room window, pantin', poor dear.
i've worried much about my critters, although someone has taken the time to tend 'em, it's jest not the same. i miss the calls of my horses in the mornin'. i've missed bein' in their presence, their soft breath on my shoulder when i give 'em a hug, or the comical movements they make when gettin' scratched at jest the right spot. i talk to the critters, the flowers, the trees. have discussions with most everythin' livin' on the place or flyin' "my airspace". has been a stressful time fer me at least.
sunday afternoon as i lay semi-conscious in my chair tryin' not to nod off yet again, i heard a "thump" on one of the livin' room windows (lovely view to the pond). i thought another poor bird had smacked it's head, so slithered outta the chair and crawled across the room to take a peek. lo & behold! it was my hummer!! he'd not smacked his head, but apparently had come to check on me & say hello. he hovered the window by my face fer what seemed to be an eternity, a priceless point in time! i was so overjoyed that tears had begun to well... i went out on the porch with mom that eve when she came to water. i dunno if my lil hummer friend was checkin' on me after all, or was tryin' to tell me that the cardinal flower vines had started bloomin' & he was most happy, lol.
oh, the drops of rain? we were blessed with an unmeasurable, but pleasurable shower that started about 4:30 this morn. was so delighted to see it! sat with the back door open, soakin' in the cool freshness of the air, hearin' the drops softly fall upon the metal, was truly a delight :)
my dear, sweet mom has been comin' & tendin' the many flowers that encompass my lil oasis. bless her heart! i'm so very glad that she did :) she doesn't trek over at the crack of dawn, so i'd had no word on my lil hummer bud who likes to give me a "what fer" when i'm waterin' his favorite flowers & don't see him... and he gets watered as well.
has been so hot that the birds have been most quiet durin' the day, no bathes taken in the waterfall. no battles fer the best rock to feel that coolness of the water softly bouncin' off the falls. jest an occasional common sparrow perched on the pergola outside the livin' room window, pantin', poor dear.
i've worried much about my critters, although someone has taken the time to tend 'em, it's jest not the same. i miss the calls of my horses in the mornin'. i've missed bein' in their presence, their soft breath on my shoulder when i give 'em a hug, or the comical movements they make when gettin' scratched at jest the right spot. i talk to the critters, the flowers, the trees. have discussions with most everythin' livin' on the place or flyin' "my airspace". has been a stressful time fer me at least.
sunday afternoon as i lay semi-conscious in my chair tryin' not to nod off yet again, i heard a "thump" on one of the livin' room windows (lovely view to the pond). i thought another poor bird had smacked it's head, so slithered outta the chair and crawled across the room to take a peek. lo & behold! it was my hummer!! he'd not smacked his head, but apparently had come to check on me & say hello. he hovered the window by my face fer what seemed to be an eternity, a priceless point in time! i was so overjoyed that tears had begun to well... i went out on the porch with mom that eve when she came to water. i dunno if my lil hummer friend was checkin' on me after all, or was tryin' to tell me that the cardinal flower vines had started bloomin' & he was most happy, lol.
oh, the drops of rain? we were blessed with an unmeasurable, but pleasurable shower that started about 4:30 this morn. was so delighted to see it! sat with the back door open, soakin' in the cool freshness of the air, hearin' the drops softly fall upon the metal, was truly a delight :)
puter woes...
well, it happened. went & took myself a nap on friday & ol' henry (the puter) deciced that he'd jest had enough. wouldn't boot up... turned the matter over to the guru son, he said "research shows that the graphics processor may have died. inoperable. you'll need a new one." fer those of ya who don't speak that sorta language (like me), it translates into "spend $120 on a new graphics thingy, i'll put it in fer ya, but he's ol' & somethin' else is jest gonna go wrong... get a new puter, mom."
i debated (not too hard, mind ya) in betwix naps all weekend, didn't have the heart to tell the hubs (who was off on a 3 day golf tournament, much needed after tendin' his mom at the hospital fer almost a week, but that's another story) and the sweet fella that offered to purchase a new puter fer me this past Christmas. oh no! i said, henry's only 5yrs old (an infant in my eyes, after all i'd sucked a good 8-12 outta desktops in the past, why not a laptop?) save yer fundin' & do somethin' fer yerself, i said....
which he did, joined the country club... so he could play more golf... it's ok, i'm a non-participatin' member. BUT, if i ever desire to play some golf, take a dip in their pool, or jest sit around & get drunk with the rest of the wives, i've a card fer that :) never mind that i don't golf, don't care fer swimmin', dont drink, have not a thing in common with any of those folks...
anyhow, finally confessed the loss of henry to him monday. he was not impressed, felt guilt about his weekend (btw, i've been sorta on the puny side the past month...) and me home alone with nothin' but critters, 100 degree temps, severe case of the "oh my gosh, i can't function" and 3 channels on the telly.
so, bein' the selfish gal that i am, i squandered enough funds to purchase my adorable horses 37 bales of hay to get back online... which the net'll be gone soon when the son moves out yet again. wonder what the hubs'll say when he comes home this eve?
what was i thinkin??
i debated (not too hard, mind ya) in betwix naps all weekend, didn't have the heart to tell the hubs (who was off on a 3 day golf tournament, much needed after tendin' his mom at the hospital fer almost a week, but that's another story) and the sweet fella that offered to purchase a new puter fer me this past Christmas. oh no! i said, henry's only 5yrs old (an infant in my eyes, after all i'd sucked a good 8-12 outta desktops in the past, why not a laptop?) save yer fundin' & do somethin' fer yerself, i said....
which he did, joined the country club... so he could play more golf... it's ok, i'm a non-participatin' member. BUT, if i ever desire to play some golf, take a dip in their pool, or jest sit around & get drunk with the rest of the wives, i've a card fer that :) never mind that i don't golf, don't care fer swimmin', dont drink, have not a thing in common with any of those folks...
anyhow, finally confessed the loss of henry to him monday. he was not impressed, felt guilt about his weekend (btw, i've been sorta on the puny side the past month...) and me home alone with nothin' but critters, 100 degree temps, severe case of the "oh my gosh, i can't function" and 3 channels on the telly.
so, bein' the selfish gal that i am, i squandered enough funds to purchase my adorable horses 37 bales of hay to get back online... which the net'll be gone soon when the son moves out yet again. wonder what the hubs'll say when he comes home this eve?
what was i thinkin??
Thursday, August 9, 2012
herd dynamics
 |
| some of the studs from the sheldon-hart refuge gatherin' |
 |
| see that lil paint fella, mostly white? huge gash on his neck... |
 |
| the "lead mare", a gorgeous palomino. one snort from her & the whole herd would turn.. |
these are the "boys" who are forced from their herd, they band together, safety in numbers. there's a low man on the totem pole and typically an elder. they (the powers that be, USF&W in this case, tossed 'em in together with studs who had their own herds, bachelors, youngsters over 6 months of age. a cruel thing to do... much fightin' commences, especially fer those who've lost their herds ~ some of which are only a stone's throw away....
 |
| mares & their offspring. again from different herds, some foals as young as 3 weeks (the gatherin' was 2 weeks prior to these pic's), some heavy with foal, some who've lost theirs... |
 |
| a most beautiful loud overo mare (shame the pic's i took of her a month later didn't turn out, her color returned!) the youngster by her side? not hers, an "orphan" from the round up at 2wks, he resides on my place now. |
 |
| the buttermilk buckskin studs (2 of 'em in fact) were testy fella's at best, approximately 6yrs of age. their destiny? was told that a general in mexico had adopted 'em.... fer breedin' purposes. no way to tell fer sure where any of the 303 horses wound up (ok, except fer the 5 that somehow fell my way) as there's no freeze brandin' done by the USF&W department. |
 |
| this gorgeous fella? contankerous fer certain, at the age of 12 i imagine his herd was taken from him & all the other studs in which he was forced to "live" with were jest seen as competition to get 'em back. he was put down after a week, so the story goes....was causin' too many troubles :( |
 |
| aint he a looker? sure caught my fancy! |
one thing that's been proven over & over is that "thinnin' out the herds" is not an effective population control. the BLM along with USF&W have their own ideas. many of 'em cruel, most unknown. folks aint allowed to be in the vicinity of these round-ups, especially with a camera in tow. why the secrets? it's already known that they run 'em over rough terrain fer many miles (up to 30 in a day) in the heat with helicopters. they dump water on 'em from overhead to keep 'em from overheatin' too much. they've no understandin' that those who are left behind will go forward and breed another generation. why? extra forage and water. part of the survival instinct. these great Mustangs have been at it fer generations. when dna testin' is done on 'em, one finds many breeds involved. the beloved Quarter Horse has it's roots in their blood lines. yet they are looked upon as "trash" amongst the lands by many.
jealousy, perhaps? after all, nature takes care of itself. these horses have better bones, feet, athleticism than most of yer "papered" horses. they could not survive otherwise....
once gathered, they are trailered off, never to see their kin again. taken to strange lands, strange water and feed. youngesters (4-6months- 1yr) are tossed in together. no "adult"supervision. they become quite the unruly bunch... the mares are saddened by their loss. they are then hauled to different "events" in hopes they can be adopted out.
i've been to several of this adoptions, local & afar. seems we have the misfortune here of havin' the most unskilled "horsemen" tendin' this American treasures. the horses brought here are always underweight, wormy & in severe need of hoof care. the wranglers are impatient and cruel in their handlin' & feedin' of
'em as well. it breaks my heart further as my concerns fall upon deaf ears...
the "best" adoption i've been to was in Wichita Falls, TX a few years back. the horses were in great shape, relaxed. some were so gentle, they'd come up to folks to get a good scratchin' or rub on the neck. great care was taken in feedin' 'em and also in gettin' 'em separated and loaded into the new adoptive "parents" trailers. i left there relieved (as did the hubs coz i resisted the urge to adopt yet another, lol) in the knowin' that at least once bunch was treated with a lil respect.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)