the ugliness of abuse...

i asked the followin' question on my facebook page:  there are many "faces" of abuse - can ya name 'em all?

don't get me wrong, i know there's a stigma on the subject.  much shame is carried as well as guilt.  there should NOT be.  saddened me greatly that i only got one reponse, but it was a purty darned good one and so here it is.

Verbal abuse includes name-calling, telling you that you are worthless, that you are a bad parent, shouting, constantly interrupting, telling other people that you are crazy, blaming you for the abuse.

Emotional abuse includes threats, isolation, manipulation, insults, destruction of property, public humiliation, accusations of affairs, threats of suicide, self injury, or homicide if you leave.

Financial abuse includes controlling all income, not letting you work or keep a job, making you ask for money, giving an allowance, taking your money, or running up debt under your name.

Sexual abuse can include forced or coerced sex with your partner, another person, or an object.

Physical abuse includes any forceful behavior such as hitting, choking, slapping, using weapons, driving recklessly, holding you down, and preventing you from leaving.

as i read this, tears started to form and softly flow down my cheek.  i am not one to cry and have always taken great pride in the fact that i can normally control my emotions well.  to me it was one thing that couldn't be taken away.

i found myself involved in every single one of these categories at different times of my life.  the realization was like a pitcher of cold iced tea bein' thrown in my face!  how did i not acknowledge this?  perhaps coz it didn't happen all at once?  perhaps the calculations of the other party who was/is such a great manipulator that they succeeded in makin' me believe that it WASN'T real?      i've not a clue....

that elusive competitive edge...

i sure don't knock sports of any kind.  will sit & watch it, cheer 'em on.  take delight in their accomplishments, feel their sorrow at the losses.

me, personally, i don't appear to have a competitive bone in my entire body.  i've never been one to care if i'm better than someone else... in anythin'.  the spotlight aint my cup of tea.  i'd much rather sit back & watch others glow, ya know, the folks that it appears to matter so much to.

i'll coach 'em, train 'em, help 'em practice to get better and then i'm done.  end of story.  i don't want to mentioned as a coach or trainer.  i prefer to be invisible.  i've been asked over the years why i never have been in rodeos or shown horses.  it jest doesn't matter to me.   my opinion is that my relationship with a horse is personal, not to be judged by others.

the hubs was askin' me this morn' (mind ya, we've been together fer 26 years) if i ever played volleyball, while we were watchin' the Olympics.  what a silly question after all these years was my thought.  i had to remind him, yet again, that perhaps i'm jest not wired right.  never cared fer sports growin' up, didn't get into it as an adult & have no desire to enter it in my upper years.  he, on the other hand, was "mr. sports".  excellin' in football, basketball, swimmin', gymnastics & golf.  do i belittle him fer it? no, i've even watched him do some of these things, encourage him to participate in 'em still...whatever floats his boat & strokes that ego, right?

fer some puzzlin' reason, it's us folks who seem to lack that competitive edge whom are pre-judged & ridiculed.  shock & awe, i like to call it.  folks are shocked yer not into competition and awe at the utter lack of the need.

my experience has been that those who excelled at sports in their youth tend to live in the past & miss that spotlight and glory.  i reckon it's hard to go from "the golden boy or girl" to jest another human bein' tryin' to live in this world?

i'm glad that i'm not wired right, as i've been told most my life.  i'd hate to look back on my past & wish fer praise & followers of a past that is now encased in pic's and stories in someone's scrapbook.  kudo's to ya folks who have it, don't knock fer me not.

simple beauties...

i find myself adrift in the garden.

soakin' in the beauties that nature provides.

takin' pleasure in the smell & textures.

enjoyin' the smallest of flowers.

seein' the humor in the "grapple tree".

takin' in the wonders of the lavendar rose bush that seems content to now bloom in a seashell pink as well.

from vibrant yellow, to the smoothest coral,

they sooth the senses.

visitors come & go.

the fish are oblivious to the trappings of the world.

color changers keep it interestin' as one never knows their hues.

take the time to live amongst the simple beauties that nature provides.  add some whimsy to yer garden to bring a smile.  invite the "neighborhood" of creatures to come sit with ya fer a while.  breathe in the life and many wonders!

drug testin' welfare recipients

well, how 'bout that?  a poll runnin' amok on facebook pages worldwide askin' folks the simplest of questions:  should welfare recipients be tested fer drugs prior to receivin' benefits and randomly?  it asked fer a simple "yes" or "no" response...  apparently some folks have difficulty with the simplest of instructions coz they ranted & raved!

hmm, let me see now...  if ya have a "real" job, one is subjected to an initial drug test and background check.  if one fails either, no job = no income.  so why the heck not?

i read with great humor the protestors (no doubt they are recipients doin' drugs/alcohol) and how it was unconstitutional, an invasion of one's rights.

here's the deal in my book.  if yer worried about yer "rights" bein' violated, lemme enlighten ya jest a bit.  ya have the "right" to get a JOB, not a "right" to be a drug or alcohol addict on someone else's dime.  these folks have youngun's that are sufferin' the consequences due to these folks & their inability to be responsible adults.

i've written my idea of a solution to the problem - make 'em work fer it.  one cannot honestly tell me there's nothin' in their community that couldn't use cleaned up, tended, ol' folks to visit, youngun's to mentor, etc. most anybody can push a broom.....

positivity...

i believe that if so much time weren't spent dwellin' on the negative (aka: the bad folks in this world, atrocities to one self - real or imagined, etc.) and the "good" given a chance to shine, one might find there's more good in this world than evil.

there's page after page of negativity posted on facebook from well meanin' friends.  what purpose does it serve?  yes, one has the right to express their feeling's, but they aren't their feelings... they belong to someone else.

where did our creativity go?  i've found  folks are most affluent when givin' the chance, and what better chance is there than on this thing? (the world wide web)   there's nothin' wrong with bein' a follower i reckon, but would sure be refreshin' to see more leaders out there... i know their out there!

as i work to figure this bloggin' thing out (why?  i've not a clue) i fuddle through what i would like to see in the written word.  the world's triumphs and beauties come to mind in an instant.  not enough of it on here.  darned shame.

choices...

in life we come across many choices.  some easy, some most difficult.  many times the choices are taken that aren't in the best interest of ourselves, nor the folks around us.

why do we do this??  it's as though we sit in a vacuum of repetitive "wrong" choices and seem ferever doomed by 'em.  haunted by their memories, most times their scars ~ internal and external.

one of my least favorite things to hear is, "what choice did i have".  in hindsight we see the options & agree fer the most part "things woulda been different" had we chosen a different path.

this aside, does that give one the power to wallow in self pity fer an eternity?  blame others fer their choices? wherein lies that invisible "line" one crosses from bein' supportive to bein' co-dependent?  how does one stop the madness?

"choices" made in the past have shaped ya into who ya are today.  if ya don't like that person in the mirror, ya have the "choice" to change.  instead of internalizin' and or rehashin' the past (constantly...as if repeatin' it over & over will make it all disappear), accept it fer what it is - each a piece of that unique puzzle called "you".

make the conscious "choice" to live yer day as the magical gift that it is.

i sat this morn' at the birth of dawn, sippin' my tea & soakin' up my surroundin's.  the sound of the waterfall, not a ragin' monster, but soothin' like a gentle creek.  birds signin', roosters crowin', hummers in competition with the bees to get that sweet morn' nectar.   cisco softly calls his g'day to me, such a carin' friend.

pups run races throughout the yard.  in & out they zip over the waterfall, round the pond.  they play peek-a-boo around the large maple tree, which then turns into a game of tag.  it's like havin' youngun's all over, those two!

as the dawnin' of a new day launches itself into yet another amazin' new mexico sunrise,  one can feel what tiny bit of night moisture departin' ~ such sweet sorrow that always is.

there's not much better than the smell of chocolate mint, lavendar, rosemary, wisteria, the baby softness of the roses in the coolness of dawn.

folks gone wrong....

what's to be done with all these apparent lunatics runnin' amok in our lands??


seems every place has folks that've gone plum mad fer some reason or another.  things are blamed on the movies, video games, "spice", "bath salts", meth, etc.  how's about lack of morals?  no compassion fer one's fellow man?   


the horror that shook aurora, co shouldn'tve ever happened, as with any tragedy - but how on earth do ya stop it?


santa fe, nm - newborn remains found in field... unknown yet if this poor child was stillborn or murdered - what the heck?


albuquerque, nm - fella shot makin' an honest livin' at a 7-11 store as a clerk.  the punks who did it?  well, i reckon they did it outta boredom... or drugs... or a dare... or a gang initiation.  they didn't rob the store, but some folks in the parkin' lot.  the 3 are in jail, $10 million bond on all.  lil comfort that brings to the family of that poor fella that was killed.


we've a nation of folks that apparently don't have enough constructive things to bide their time.  no self-respect, therefore no respect of others.  folks'll say that society is to blame.  wake up call!!  we ARE society!


i sit in horror & great sadness watchin' the albuquerque news.  who on earth would wanna live there?  raise a family there?   the sadness comes from the fact that it's not jest albuquerque, it's rampant every place ~ large cities, small towns.  folks look to the government to "fix" this problem", but there's not a bandaid to be placed on it.


i miss the days gone by of "hard labor" when one went to jail.  not the cushy place that it's become (not sayin' bein' in jail is a picnic, tis a scary place to me).  3 squares a day, tv, puters, phone privileges daily, hot runnin' water and not much from 'em in return.  and who pays fer their room/board, babysitters, lawyers, dental, medical, etc??  the taxpayer... perhaps the "righteous folks" could change their mind about manual labor?

what is it they say?   oh yeah, "idle hands are the devils workshop".

watchin' critters is a grand form of entertainment ~ even the horses i so greatly adore have such wonderful antics.  never to be caught on film, never to be shared, jest to be a cherished memory.  selfishness doesn't normally fit my nature, but i've so few things that are somethin' so personal as to be mine exclusively that i hold onto it as tightly as possible fer fear that it'll disappear into the winds, ferever lost...

i find myself havin' extensive conversations with the critters on the place.  daily discussions with the hummers who are most distressed when i'm waterin' the very plants that feed their lust fer that oh so sweet nectar.  they buzz & hover, dive & swoop.  i'm certain the lil winged loves are givin' me a what fer!  waterin' ceases, they go back to their business of fillin' themselves with sugar and swoosh out of distance, jest to return and us do it all again.

the pups and cat carry on as well, as we must be a most friendly place.  the cat doesn't meow at 'em, talks in a foreign tongue.  had the pups most perplexed in the beginnin', but now they all seem to carry on lavish conversations to which i'm jest not privy to.  the son gave me a video camera, yes he's most disgusted that i've not bothered to let the world eavesdrop into my critter's private moments.

am always greeted by the softest of nickers from my pal, cisco.  he's an ol' soul, so wise beyond his years.  yanked from his lands, his family & thrust into mine under the most cruelest of circumstances, he shows no bitterness and has become my best friend...  the horses on the place bring me great joy & sadness combined.   they should be free, as their ancestors have been before 'em.   i watched as the "light" faded from most of their eyes, brought me an overwhelmin' sense of despair.  they responded by includin' me into their "herd", what a blessin' they are!

ideas to begin fixin' the economy & other woes of our great nation:

1. all folks under the age of 65 who receive welfare, food stamps, HUD, general assistance, extended unemployment benefits, etc - will have to work doin' somethin' - aka, cleanin' up vacant lots, paintin'/or fixin' the elderly the disabled (the TRULY disabled) folks homes, data entry, etc.  create, plant & maintain a garden. learn how to properly can said gardens bounties. those over 65 & capable? mentor a child. teach 'em to read, help 'em with their homework, teach 'em a skill - be it sewin', cookin' - somethin' so they have a sense of self worth.  

then, "it" would become a paycheck with benefits. this would provide a myriad of aid to those folks - the pride in earnin' somethin', the pride in helpin' someone - give 'em back some self worth. (i am all for drug testin' anybody on government assistance - randomly and at the onset of receivin' benefits of any kind.)  i feel it would help to rebuild communities and folks to rely more on themselves - a win-win situation in my opinion.

2. a 10% across the board reduction in all elected politicians paychecks - to be directly applied to the national deficit principal.  followed by a vigorous cap on expenses/gas cards/per diem/gifts and other "perks".  these funds also directly applied to the deficit principal.   these are dollar already unavailable, so won't be "missed".

3.  no more tax breaks for corporations who "fan out" the manufacturin' of products, nor technical support (I know, those folks need jobs, too).  instead, they can pay a penalty fer keepin' jobs overseas.

when most moved their jobs overseas, it was said that it was done to produce cheaper goods.  the American public still pays "full" price for the said goods, the corporation just makes more money.  now, they import goods of poor quality, aidin' in a "throw away society".

4.  IF we give corporations tax breaks and incentives to move to an area to provide jobs, make sure there's a very well written contract that makes 'em liable for moneys due.  too many are "let off the hook", as they feel "entitled" to up and leave when they please.

5.  make bankruptcy more difficult for corporations.  they come, they grow, they add more jobs, they pay their upper level management too lavishly, too many perks.  then when the economy starts to sag - they bail.  we must get back to the addage of "livin' within your means" instead of being a credit craving America.

the most beautiful, fergivin' creature - the horse