friendly fliers & drops of rain

i've been quite under the weather here of late.  not to mention ol' henry leavin' me as he did, and tried to find some humor and or comfort in this life.

my dear, sweet mom has been comin' & tendin' the many flowers that encompass my lil oasis.  bless her heart!  i'm so very glad that she did :)  she doesn't trek over at the crack of dawn, so i'd had no word on my lil hummer bud who likes to give me a "what fer" when i'm waterin' his favorite flowers & don't see him... and he gets watered as well.

has been so hot that the birds have been most quiet durin' the day, no bathes taken in the waterfall.  no battles fer the best rock to feel that coolness of the water softly bouncin' off the falls.  jest an occasional common sparrow perched on the pergola outside the livin' room window, pantin', poor dear.

i've worried much about my critters, although someone has taken the time to tend 'em, it's jest not the same.  i miss the calls of my horses in the mornin'.   i've missed bein' in their presence, their soft breath on my shoulder when i give 'em a hug, or the comical movements they make when gettin' scratched at jest the right spot.  i talk to the critters, the flowers, the trees.  have discussions with most everythin' livin' on the place or flyin' "my airspace".  has been a stressful time fer me at least.

sunday afternoon as i lay semi-conscious in my chair tryin' not to nod off yet again, i heard a "thump" on one of the livin' room windows (lovely view to the pond).  i thought another poor bird had smacked it's head, so slithered outta the chair and crawled across the room to take a peek.  lo & behold!  it was my hummer!!  he'd not smacked his head, but apparently had come to check on me & say hello.  he hovered the window by my face fer what seemed to be an eternity, a priceless point in time!  i was so overjoyed that tears had begun to well...  i went out on the porch with mom that eve when she came to water.  i dunno if my lil hummer friend was checkin' on me after all, or was tryin' to tell me that the cardinal flower vines had started bloomin' & he was most happy, lol.

oh, the drops of rain?  we were blessed with an unmeasurable, but pleasurable shower that started about 4:30 this morn.  was so delighted to see it!  sat with the back door open, soakin' in the cool freshness of the air, hearin' the drops softly fall upon the metal, was truly a delight :)

puter woes...

well, it happened.  went & took myself a nap on friday & ol' henry (the puter) deciced that he'd jest had enough.  wouldn't boot up... turned the matter over to the guru son, he said "research shows that the graphics processor may have died.  inoperable.  you'll need a new one."   fer those of ya who don't speak that sorta language (like me), it translates into "spend $120 on a new graphics thingy, i'll put it in fer ya, but he's ol' & somethin' else is jest gonna go wrong... get a new puter, mom."

i debated (not too hard, mind ya) in betwix naps all weekend, didn't have the heart to tell the hubs (who was off on a 3 day golf tournament, much needed after tendin' his mom at the hospital fer almost a week, but that's another story) and the sweet fella that offered to purchase a new puter fer me this past Christmas.  oh no!  i said, henry's only 5yrs old (an infant in my eyes, after all i'd sucked a good 8-12 outta desktops in the past, why not a laptop?)   save yer fundin' & do somethin' fer yerself, i said....

which he did, joined the country club... so he could play more golf...  it's ok, i'm a non-participatin' member. BUT, if i ever desire to play some golf, take a dip in their pool, or jest sit around & get drunk with the rest of the wives, i've a card fer that :)  never mind that i don't golf, don't care fer swimmin', dont drink, have not a thing in common with any of those folks...

anyhow,  finally confessed the loss of henry to him monday.  he was not impressed, felt guilt about his weekend (btw, i've been sorta on the puny side the past month...) and me home alone with nothin' but critters, 100 degree temps, severe case of the "oh my gosh, i can't function" and 3 channels on the telly.

so, bein' the selfish gal that i am, i squandered enough funds to purchase my adorable horses 37 bales of hay to get back online...  which the net'll  be gone soon when the son moves out yet again.   wonder what the hubs'll say when he comes home this eve?

what was i thinkin??

herd dynamics

some of the studs from the sheldon-hart refuge gatherin'

there are those who say "the wild horses are ruinin' the grasslands, usin' up water, causin' erosion".  (never mind that ranchers are leased this land as well and have their cattle herds there to graze...).   the government solution?  gather 'em up, of course!  pay no mind to what's right or wrong.  let's rip families apart.  let's gather 'em at the peak of  foalin' season, and see how many survive...

see that lil paint fella, mostly white?  huge gash on his neck...

the "lead mare", a gorgeous palomino.  one snort from her & the whole herd would turn..

in the wild, there's what's called a "bachelor band".
these are the "boys" who are forced from their herd, they band together, safety in numbers.  there's a low man on the totem pole and typically an elder.  they (the powers that be, USF&W in this case, tossed 'em in together with studs who had their own herds, bachelors, youngsters over 6 months of age.  a cruel thing to do...  much fightin' commences, especially fer those who've lost their herds ~ some of which are only a stone's throw away....

mares & their offspring.  again from different herds, some foals as young as 3 weeks (the gatherin' was 2 weeks prior to these pic's), some heavy with foal, some who've lost theirs...

 the mares are most apprehensive and doin' their best to protect their young.  ripped from their homelands, some foals trampled or "lost", thrown together with "strangers",  loaded onto trailers and driven all night from nevada to los lunas, new mexico.  can ya imagine the fear they must've felt?

a most beautiful loud overo mare (shame the pic's i took of her a month later didn't turn out,  her color returned!)
the youngster by her side?  not hers, an "orphan" from the round up at 2wks, he resides on my place now.

the buttermilk buckskin studs (2 of 'em in fact) were testy fella's at best, approximately 6yrs of age.   their destiny?  was told that a general in mexico had adopted 'em.... fer breedin' purposes.  no way to tell fer sure where any of the 303 horses wound up (ok, except fer the 5 that somehow fell my way) as there's no freeze brandin' done by the USF&W department.

this gorgeous fella?  contankerous fer certain,  at the age of 12 i imagine his herd was taken from him & all the other studs in which he was forced to "live" with were jest seen as competition to get 'em back.   he was put down after a week, so the story goes....was causin' too many troubles :(

aint he a looker?  sure caught my fancy!

one thing that's been proven over & over is that "thinnin' out the herds" is not an effective population control.   the BLM along with USF&W have their own ideas.  many of 'em cruel, most unknown.  folks aint allowed to be in the vicinity of these round-ups, especially with a camera in tow.  why the secrets?  it's already known that they run 'em over rough terrain fer many miles (up to 30 in a day) in the heat with helicopters.  they dump water on 'em from overhead to keep 'em from overheatin' too much.     they've no understandin' that those who are left behind will go forward and breed another generation.  why?  extra forage and water.  part of the survival instinct.  these great Mustangs have been at it fer generations.  when dna testin' is done on 'em, one finds many breeds involved.  the beloved Quarter Horse has it's roots in their blood lines.  yet they are looked upon as "trash" amongst the lands by many.

jealousy, perhaps?  after all, nature takes care of itself.  these horses have better bones, feet, athleticism than most of yer "papered" horses.  they could not survive otherwise....

once gathered, they are trailered off, never to see their kin again.  taken to strange lands, strange water and feed.  youngesters (4-6months- 1yr) are tossed in together.  no "adult"supervision.  they become quite the unruly bunch... the mares are saddened by their loss.  they are then hauled to different "events" in hopes they can be adopted out.

i've been to several of this adoptions, local & afar.  seems we have the misfortune here of havin' the most unskilled "horsemen" tendin' this American treasures.  the horses brought here are always underweight, wormy & in severe need of hoof care. the wranglers are impatient and cruel in their handlin' & feedin' of
'em as well.  it breaks my heart further as my concerns fall upon deaf ears...

the "best" adoption i've been to was in Wichita Falls, TX a few years back.  the horses were in great shape, relaxed.  some were so gentle, they'd come up to folks to get a good scratchin' or rub on the neck. great care was taken in feedin' 'em and also in gettin' 'em separated and loaded into the new adoptive "parents" trailers.  i left there relieved (as did the hubs coz i resisted the urge to adopt yet another, lol) in the knowin' that at least once bunch was treated with a lil respect.

it finally came!

yepperz, folks!  twas jolted outta my sickened slumber yesterday eve by a big kaboom!  lightnin' all over, the sky was lit like the most decorated of Christmas trees.  perchance it might rain??  fingers crossed i slithered outta bed.  with the good timin' that all things have, the phone rings.  tis my ranchin' bud "storm headin' yer way", he says, as yet another clap of thunder shakes my mere domicile.  "never mind", he says, "sounds to be already there".  does that giggle that he does and we get back onto the drought, lack of feed, pitiful cattle market, outrageous prices of hay/feed, followed by what's to be done about it...  he'll be cullin' his herds once again & a trip to tulia is in order fer the morn', he replies.  bein' a 4th generation rancher sure is tough on a fella when mother nature doesn't seem to want to cooperate....

anyhow, it poured monkeys fer about 10 minutes, then abruptly stopped.  sigh of relief came from the inner me, sure don't need any floodin', which it wouldn't take much.  no measurable amount of rain here since the 10th of july!  the light show continued on,  thunder ebbed.  hmm, the end?

oh no, not the end, it was swingin' about and returnin' fer an encore!  not the down pour of earlier, but a nice, soft, gentle rain.  jest when one has the biggest of doubts, mother nature knows what the land needs.  let the land open up, then get some more - no run off, goes into the ground where needed.

awoke to another nice gentle shower.  i am most happy!

what would ya do if ya won the lottery?

mind ya, this is a hypothetical question.  i didn't win the lotto.  i didn't come into any fundin' at all!  even "henry" here has been behavin'.  so why'd ya have no new dribble?  coz my body doesn't seem to want to get better.

it's hard to type when there's no feelin' in yer hands.  it's uncomfortable to sit when there's stabbin' pain at every pressure point from the chair, where ever my body touches.  the feet, with their porcupine invasion, cause a pain that's i'd liken to.... well, i jest don't even have the words to describe that sensation!  numbness i'm used to.  joint pain, muscle tics seems to be the norm as of late.  the porcupine thing?  had it in & around my mouth fer a few days back in march... i thought it was the really high dosage of prednisone.   no prednisone i months, so i dunno?

if i were to win the lottery (okay, i'd have to purchase a ticket, eh?), i believe i'd do the most selfish thing in the world.  i'd check myself into the Mayo clinic and tell 'em i'm not leavin' til ya figure out what all the hecks wrong with me and a game plan in place to keep me runnin' as smoothly as possible!

i've no health insurrance.  in the beginnin' it wasn't my fault.  we jest couldn't afford $750/month fer the premium with a $5,000 deductible, 50/50 split and 2 million max.  why so high?   i survived cancer.  apparently that's a crime and noone wants to insure ya, at least back then.  

then the hubs got the bright idea that we never used what we had in premiums paid, so why bother?  obviously he's oblivious to the cost of health care in this country.  i know that when my current doc wanted another colonoscopy, i did some checkin' around in these parts.  $4200 fer the doc (no initial screenin' nor follow-up, jest 20 minutes of his time...), $485 fer the anesthesiologist, $270 minimum fer the pathologist, $10,562 fer the hospitals outpatient services.   what the heck??  no wonder folks can't afford to get sick!  and yes, this what all was quoted to me with the "self pay discount, paid in full up front".  needless to say, that didn't happen.

so, the doc & i sorta stumble about the failin' of this body.  some is blamed on the celiac disease, the other on the crohn's.  i was told that i was lucky in fact that i've jest the numbness that's constant with the bottoms of my feet.  they've another patient that has developed a "tic", slight constant jerkin' of her head and left arm. yes indeed, most fortunate i am!   they are callin' it a "peripheral neuropathy" linked to the celiac disease.  and no, like the disease itself there's no cure.

oh joy....

puter troubles

if there's one thing that really chaps my hide, it's puter troubles!!   solution? (oh, have found that it's a 2007 model...5 years old)  wipe out the hard drive & start anew, says the puter guru son.

so, after much time of movin' schtuff to the external drive (i've hubs & gadgets runnin' all over the place i fear, some i've no clue as to why) he does it.  he wipes "henry" clean.  a fresh start, i tell "henry".  it'll be good fer ya, i tell him.  be brave.  yer gonna be fit as a fiddle in no time.  well, that's what i thought anyhow....

many hours later, device drivers failin' to install, downloads from his (son's) puter to a flash thingy & inserted into a hub port fer extraction, jest to get the net workin' again (thanks, dlink, yer the best....)  alas!  after 4 tries, i've now gotten the printer software/driver reloaded.  praise the stars!

then began the "typical" journey.  re-installation of  avg, cc cleaner, malware bytes, spybot search & destroy... nope puter still aint happy.  mistake of lettin' it go to "sleep" while scourin' the net fer drivers.  upon awakenin', guess what happened?  no mouse cursor!   yepperz, one of the many troubles i had prior had already come back to haunt :(

yet another restart of the system... i'm gettin' frustrated.  mom calls, asks the innocent question "did ya get it runnin' yet?"   bless her heart.  i unloaded in an alien tongue on the poor woman.  she was pleased that it was in alien language & so am i.  would sure as the dickens hate fer her to wash my mouth out with soap!  i'm not even sure of what some of the words were, lol.   oh well, we both needed the chuckle i reckon.

i've not had the puter since about 10 this mornin' & many thoughts have been racin' through my head, jest itchin' to hit the keyboard to tell of my woes/triumphs & defeats.  i went into withdrawals of some sort.  i must face the fact that i'm addicted to the puter...  what a sad lot i am!

anyhow, told the son what the beastly "henry" was up to, he's most agitated at me botherin' him yet again.  his new solution?  buy yerself another darned puter!   which can't be done...winter months are ahead & we're not stocked up on enough hay yet.  i've my priorities in order, in my mind at least.

so, to the few folks who bother to come read my dribblin', if'n ya come & there's nothin' new to read,  it'll jest mean that ol' henry sighed his last cursor and quietly went.

and life goes on.....

one of the hardest things to do is watch a loved one suffer.  be it physical, emotional or even financial.  one has to make a choice, be co-dependent in the wallowin' of self pity, or give 'em a boot to jolt 'em back to reality & what truly matters at the end of the day.....

it's been a day thus far.  puter misbehavin' yet again.  what exactly is the lifespan of a laptop?  i dunno fer certain, but've been told mine is jest plum ancient!   i believe it to be around 6-8 years old, give or take a year or 2 in either direction.  twas given to me, so i've no records to reflect on.

let the pups out without adult supervision.  true to her nature, ms bandit somehow got over the 6' fence that surrounds the backyard.  she's a determined creature.  winds outta the wrong direction, didn't even turn her head when i whistled.  i can see her in the distant, freshly plowed/blown field about 1/4 mile out.  i'm hopin' it's a pheasant she's after (well, she is a bird dog after all) and not the skunk who has been smellin' up our dusty air.    the son goes to water horses fer me (aint he a good'un?) so i told him to keep an eye out.  she's now safely indoors with me, not a hint of skunk, thank goodness.

the hubs calls.  his mom fell & broke her hip thursday and he's been in lubbock at the hospital with her since friday.  they took her to surgery yesterday around noon.  procedure went well.  3 pins to put it back together, good as new in 6 weeks.  this woman will never be "good as new", but we've hopes she'll be up to her onery self :).  

she's been a good patient til today it seems.  the call was to tell me that she's most defiant, whiny, irritable & bein' ugly to his sis.  well, what does one expect?  this woman has had 3 bypasses, more stints than i can recall and fer the past 5 years has been so medicated fer every ailment known to mankind (loads of depression & anxiety) that it's a wonder she's sane at all!  her last heart attack wasn't that long ago.  they went to do a stint, complete blockage on the left (her worst side anyhow, don't they read records or mri reports?) so they opted to put one in the right since it was 90% shutdown....yepperz, went well, we're gonna send ya home day after tomorrow.  well, 2 hours 'fore sendin' her home - crash 'n burn.  go figure, eh?

they finally made the determination that perhaps a pacemaker was in order... after all these years of "there's not much of anythin' that can be done" someone had a light bulb come on.  i asked this very questions 5 years ago, why not a pacemaker?  anyhow, she's been hummin' along with the darned thing.  blood pressure is great, no more anxiety, depression lessened to almost sheer non-existence.  home health comes daily to make sure she's takin' her meds proper and she had jest started gettin' out & about, by herself even, about a week ago.  nope, can't imagine why she'd be cranky with a broke hip, poor woman was finally gettin' a life back!

anyhow, told him they (him & the sis) need to sit down with her, find out what the trouble is.  brooch the possibility that i'm right.  empathize with the feelin's she's havin', then they need to make a plan to re-direct her frustrations to get well & on her feet.  sis needs to jest put a hand up and tell mom that "no, yer not gonna treat me this way.  i'm gonna leave ya to yer own fer a bit", then do that.  leave.  not call him & tell him he needs to return (no, he wouldn't listen & didn't take the necessities with, so was at the store...men...).

maybe what his mom needs is to be left on her own fer a while.  perhaps she'll take that "quiet time" and put it to good use.  somethin' we should all do when troubles abound, frustration & despair sets in.  take a moment to think about it from all angles.  own up to our responsibility fer said "crisis", change what can be changed (normally it's ourselves...easier said than done at times i know), accept that we cannot change others.